Pure Class
September 2002
By: Aaron Williams
Finally! WWE has a female Superstar we can all be proud of.
After years of being subjected to scantily clad women promoting promiscuity, and degenerate fans chanting for “puppies,” WWE fans may finally get the Women’s Division they deserve.
Thank you, Molly. You are a true inspiration and a trailblazer.
I understand that the more depraved of you out there don’t like Molly. You’d rather see Trish, Stacy and Torrie flaunt their bodies and participate in such vile activities as a lingerie contest or a “Paddle-on-a-Pole” match. Through it all, though, Molly’s out there promoting all that is good in this world, carrying herself in a pure, wholesome and dignified manner. Yet, you continue to mock her. You’ve brought into Trish’s warped conception of beauty, while unfairly criticizing Molly for having a large posterior. Have you no shame, no sense of decency?
Molly is a fighter, though, and no matter what you call her, no matter how hard you boo her, she will not change her ways. She will continue to fight the good fight, and hopefully some day soon, the other Divas will see the light, follow her example, and clean up their act. Molly is a real treasure and should be treated as such.
And speaking of treasures, has there ever been a more impressive young Superstar than Chris Nowinski? A Harvard man, Phi Beta Kappa no less, gracing the unintelligent masses with his class and presence. Who would have believed it possible in this day and age?
Because he’s so smart and dresses so well, it’s easy to underestimate Nowinski’s athletic ability. But that would be a mistake. Don’t forget that he played defensive tackle at a real football school in a real football league, unlike supposed gridiron greats Faarooq, Bradshaw and The Rock.
But who really cares about Nowinski’s athletic ability? He’s a Harvard man! You should see his collection of penny loafers, blazers, scarves and ascots. What class! What a breath of fresh air!
As for your propensity to chant “Harvard Sucks” when he comes to the ring, I can only conclude that you are jealous. You’re jealous because you aren’t (or weren’t) smart enough to get into your local community college, much less a world-renowned university like Harvard. But who cares about you. We have a Harvard man in WWE! does it get any better than that?
I guess it could. What if Nowinski and Regal, who I believe studied at Oxford, won the WWE Tag Team Championship? And what if Molly were to hold the WWE Women’s Championship at the very same time. Don’t you think the world would be a better place? Wouldn’t it be nice to finally see titleholders who have the moral fiber and proper upbringing that champions should have? And wouldn’t it be nice to finally have champions that everyone around the world could look up to and say, “I wish I could be like them.”